Blondie Lockes: Ace Reporter
by courtlyhearts
Summary: On the hunt for a big story, Blondie decides to investigate the truth about Apple and Raven's relationship... and digs just a little too deep.
1. Chapter 1

"And so, dat is vhy mixing dragon's blood and mermaid's tears in a tall beaker resahlts in a yellow potion, while mixing dem in a short beaker resahlts in a blue potion!" explained Professor Rumplestiltskin. "Howeffer, if you vere to use DRAGON'S tears and MERMAID'S blood-"

"I, uh, think we have enough to work with." yawned Blondie. She forced a smile onto her face as Dexter lowered his MirrorPad. "Thanks, Professor Rumpelstiltskin!"

"Bah!" he replied, as she and Dexter walked out of his classroom. He smiled gleefully. "Don't forget, keeds! Surprise pop qviz tomorrow!" He paused for effect, "OR EEZ THERE? HAH HAH HAH!"

Blondie sighed loudly as the two students left the laughing imp behind. "That was hexcruciatiiiing!" she complained.

"You can say that again." moaned Dexter, walking beside her down the halls of Ever After High. Students were all around them, chatting, hanging out, and retrieving things from their lockers.

"We're gonna put a sleeping spell on the entire school if we run that piece!" griped Blondie. "We need a really GOOD story, something really juicy! Something that'll have the whole campus talking!" She looked really fired up.

Dexter scratched his head. "Yeah, but... like what?"

Blondie's yellow head turned from side to side, her blue eyes roving the halls in an almost predatory manner. There was a story here! She just had to find it!

And then, she saw it. Across the hall, Raven Queen was at her locker, putting in the combination, when Apple White crept up behind her and slipped her pale, slender hands over Raven's violet-colored eyes. Raven looked surprised, but when she turned around and saw it was Apple, she smiled enthusiastically.

"Aha!" said Blondie, biting her lip to suppress a wicked grin. "AHA!"

"Aha what?" asked Dexter.

"Aha THEM, silly!" said Blondie, pointing at the two girls.

Dexter's eyes followed her finger across the hallway. "Apple and... and..." His tongue stumbled a little when he saw the dark-haired girl. "And R-R-Raven? What about them?"

Behind the din of the busy hallway, Apple said something to Raven, who put a hand to her mouth and giggled. Blondie put an enterprising arm around Dexter's shoulders. "Come on Dex, just look at them together! You know what I'm driving at! Don't you think the students of Ever After High deserve to know the TRUE nature of their relationship?"

Dexter rubbed his chin. "Well, it is sorta interesting that the daughter of the Evil Queen and the daughter of Snow White became such good friends... Yeah, I think that would make a good story!"

Blondie stared at boy, dumbfounded, then impatiently tapped on the rim of his glasses. "Friends? Come on, are you sure these goggles are adjusted properly?" She looked back at Raven and Apple and clasped her hands together romantically, giving a girlish sigh. "Can't you see they're... they're...?"

Dexter stared at them blankly. "They're... What?"

Blondie sighed. "Look, never mind, just follow me! I've got a plan!"

…...

In short order, the two students found themselves in the girl's dormitory wing.

"Are, are you sure about this, Blondie? I'm not supposed to be here..." said Dexter, looking around nervously.

"Dex, please. None of the girls mind if you're here!" said Blondie. At first, Dexter liked the sound of that, but the more he thought about it, the less it seemed like a compliment.

Blondie came to a halt outside one of the doors. "Well, here we are!" she said, grinning excitedly. "Raven and Apple's room!"

"R-R-Raven's room?" gulped Dexter. "W-wait, we're not going in there, are we?"

Blondie tried the doorknob. "Are you kidding me? This could be the scoop of a lifetime! Of course we're going in! Curses, it's locked."

She reached up and pulled a sparkling silver hairpin from her golden hair. "Buuuuut, not for long!"

She slotted the pin into the lock and jiggled it a little.

"But, but Blondie!" stammered Dexter, mortified. "This is breaking and entering!"

Blondie laughed as she toyed with the lock. "Pfff! Get fictional, Dexter! Raven and Apple are my FRIENDS! They're happy to welcome me into their home!"

There was a loud click. "Alright! We are IN!" cheered Blondie, putting the pin back in her hair and swinging the door open.

Brazenly, she stepped into the room with confidence and disregard befitting the daughter of Goldilocks. Dexter was a bit more hesitant, but with enough poking and prodding from Blondie he finally gave in and stepped over the threshold.

"R-Raven's room." he stammered, unable to believe it. "Whoa."

"Nice, huh?" asked Blondie, looking around. "Hey look, they have a mini-fridge!" She descended upon it and opened it up, pulling out a cold soda like it was hers. "Want one, Dex?"

"Uh, I don't think they'd appreciate it if they found out I came in and took their stuff..." said Dexter.

Blondie looked perplexed by this line of thinking. She opened up her can and took a sip. "That's strange. If they found out I did it, it wouldn't bother them in the least."

Dexter shook his head. "Never mind..."

Blondie shrugged and looked under Apple's bed. "Well, don't just stand there." said Blondie. "Help me find a good spying spot. Hmm, too small... The closet's view is too obstructed..."

"Spying? We're going to spy on them?" asked Dexter. "Blondie, I don't know if I'm comfortable with that."

Blondie rolled her pretty blue eyes. "Come on Dex, we want this story, don't we? Half of being a journalist is spying!"

"What's the other half?"

"Unlocking."

They heard laughter and voices out in the hallway. Blondie immediately recognized them. "Apple and Raven! They're back already!" she hissed.

"Oh man!" whispered Dexter fearfully. "Wh-wh-what do we do?!"

Blondie's eyes fell on a large wardrobe. "Quick! In there!"

The two of them jumped in. It was packed with Apple's dresses, so it wasn't an easy fit, but somehow they managed. Blondie swung the door closed, leaving it open just a crack so they could see. A split second later, Apple and Raven reached the room.

"Huh?" wondered Raven, standing in the doorway. "Why's the door open?"

"That's weird." said Apple.

Blondie and Dexter exchanged a glance.

"Maybe the maid left it open?" guessed Raven. "We locked it, right?"

"Yeah! I watched you do it." said Apple.

Raven thought about it for a second, then entered the room. She looked around, checking to make sure everything was in order. "Yeah, it must have been the maid."

Apple followed, closing the door and locking it behind her. "Strange."

Raven sat down on the edge of her bed and began unlacing her heels. "Sooo, who wants the shower first? I think it was me yesterday."

Apple shook her head. "You go ahead. I can wait!"

Raven looked up at her hopefully. "Seriously? You don't mind?"

"Nahh."

Raven eagerly finished kicking off her heels and stood up. "Hexcellent!" She turned her back to Apple. "Can you unzip me?"

"Sure, Raven!"

Apple's fingers found the zip on the back of Raven's dress and pulled it down. Raven couldn't see Apple's face with her back turned, but from Blondie's vantage point Apple's cheeks were clearly turning a bright pink, and her hands were trembling slightly.

"Aha!" whispered Blondie.

"Ssshh!" replied Dexter.

Raven thanked Apple, and holding up her dress with one hand, she retreated into the bathroom. A moment later, the sound of the running shower was heard.

Apple exhaled strenuously once her roommate had gone. Her cheeks were still pink. She raised one of her dainty hands, and brought it to rest over her heart. It must have been beating very hard.

Raven returned a few minutes later, dressed in her pajamas and looking very refreshed. Apple had Raven unzip her as well, but unlike her blonde friend, Raven didn't bat an eye. While Apple took her shower, Raven retrieved a tome from her bookpack, sat down at her desk, put her headphones on, and started on her homework.

"Looks one-sided." whispered Blondie. "Eee! How dramatic! This is SO just right!"

"We're gonna get caught, I know we are... Raven's gonna kill me..." mumbled Dexter.

"We're not gonna get caught! Hush!" scolded Blondie. "I know what I'm doing!"

When Apple finished her shower, she started on her homework as well. Raven finished first, and Apple looked over on her. "Hey, Raven? How did you figure out number 15?"

Raven looked at her sheet. "Fifteen? Oh. That a bi-throne-ial equation. Do you know how to do those?"

Apple scratched her head and looked at the problem. "I thought I did."

Raven laughed and stood up. She crossed the room to Apple's desk and began helping her with the problem, leaning over the blonde girl's shoulder. Apple turned slightly pink again as she listened friend's explanation. Raven made a joke and they both laughed.

"They're so cute!" praised Blondie, putting her hands on her cheeks. "Cute cute cute! Tell me you're getting this!"

Dexter quickly turned on his MirrorPad. "Er, r-right."

Blondie pointed it at herself. "Hello, Ever After High! this is Blondie Lockes, reporting from Raven Queen's wardrobe with an exclusive exposé! Mirror Mirror: The Shocking True Story of Apple White's and Raven Queen's..." She sighed passionately, "...Forbidden Love!"

Once Apple had her homework all tied down, she put it back in her bookpack. "Thanks for helping me, Raven. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Hey, don't mention it." said Raven cheerfully. "Sooo, we've still got a lot of time until bed. Wanna do something?"

Apple took her MirrorPad off her desk and held it up. "We could watch something on Netwitch!"

"Wicked idea!"

The two roommates popped some popcorn, poured themselves some iced tea from their mini-fridge, and climbed into Raven's bed. Leaning against the headrest, their shoulders touched as they leaned in to look at the screen Raven was swiping her finger across.

"What should we watch?" asked Raven.

"Ooh, look!" pointed Apple. "They already have the new Mytholas Sparks movie!"

Raven sighed. "Apple, we always watch a romance movie." She moved her finger a bit more quickly. "I wanna watch something... like... oh, okay, here we go."

She showed Apple.

"Princess Massacre 6?" read Apple in a nervous voice. She looked at Raven with concern. "Raven, I, I dunno... I don't think I wanna watch a scary movie..."

Raven laughed. "Aw, it won't be scary, it'll be cheesy. We'll be laughing the entire way through it, I guarantee."

Apple wavered. She looked at the screen, then back at Raven. She balled up one of her delicate hands and clasped it demurely over her heart. "You, you don't think it'll give me nightmares?"

Raven gave her a tender, almost motherly smile. She took Apple's other hand in her own. "No way. It'll be fun." she insisted. "You'll thank me later, I swear."

Apple was clearly reassured. Smiling back, she said: "Well... if you say so."

Raven started the movie, and propped the screen up between them. From the opening scene, it became clear to Blondie and Dexter that Apple would probably have nightmares. As the movie went on, her legs slowly migrated from a relaxed, stretched out position, to being worriedly sat on, to being desperately hugged while Apple stared at the screen in wide-eyed terror.

"Pfffhahaha." laughed Raven, as a princess got axed to death. "So fake."

"Heh heh, yeah..." said Apple weakly.

"This is hard to watch." said Blondie.

"I know." agreed Dexter.

Seconds later, a particularly noisy jump scare almost gave Apple a heart attack. When she regained her senses, she realized she was tightly clinging to Raven's arm.

"Nice!" cheered Blondie.

"Uh, Apple?" asked Raven.

"O-oh! Sorry!" said Apple, quickly letting go.

"N-no! It's, uh..." said Raven. "It's okay."

Apple looked surprised. "Really? Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I mean, if it makes you feel better, go ahead." said Raven.

So Apple snuggled up next to Raven. The movie rolled on, and they watched in silence for a little bit.

"You're really scared, huh? You're trembling." lamented Raven. She reached a comforting arm around Apple's shoulders and Apple turned red yet again. "Sorry. I thought you'd get a kick out of this."

"No, it's okay." said Apple softly. She gave Raven's arm a gentle squeeze. "This helps."

"Juicy! This is juicy, juicy stuff!" whispered Blondie. "Now we just need somebody to make a move, and we'll have a story!"

"What kind of move?" whispered Dexter, continuing to record.

"Just keep that camera on them! I think you'll find out in a moment!" said Blondie excitedly.

The roommates watched the movie in silence for a little bit. Raven stopped making fun of the special effects and Apple stopped being manipulated by the jump scares. They seemed to be more focused on each other's company than the film they were watching, and the atmosphere had grown very intimate.

In the movie, two girls kissed. "Haha, ewww. What do you think about that, Raven? Pretty gross, right?" asked Apple conversationally, testing the waters.

"Wow, smooth." noted Blondie.

Raven hesitated. "You think so?" she asked. They watched a little more. "I dunno. It doesn't bother me. I think if it makes you happy, go for it, you know?"

"Oh!" said Apple, surprised. "Y-yeah, me too! I, er, just said it's gross because they're covered in princess entrails."

"Oh. Right." laughed Raven.

The movie moved on to more killing and maiming, but their thoughts remained on the kissing scene.

"I mean, hex." continued Raven, unprompted. "I could end up dating a girl one day. I don't know."

Apple blushed deeper. "You... you could?"

"Well, sure." said Raven indifferently. "I mean, you never know who you'll fall in love with. I don't feel that way about any girls right NOW... but... I'm still young, you know? Time changes people. I've got no idea what's in store for me."

Apple saw the chance to tease her. "Sure you do. You're going to marry the Good King and poison me, silly." she said, snuggling closer.

Raven rolled her eyes and gave her a tolerant smile. "Yeah, well... forgive me if I leave my options open." She shifted her sitting position slightly and turned her eyes back to the movie. "What about you, Apple?"

Apple looked doubtful, but eventually shrugged. "Eh. You know me. I'll stick with my Prince."

"Of course." said Raven.

A few minutes later, Apple asked. "Raven? If you really aren't interested in following your destiny... marrying the king and all that... then what kind of guy ARE you interested in?"

Raven laughed. "I dunno. I haven't really thought about it. What about you? If you COULDN'T marry your Prince Charming, who would you like to be with?"

Apple thought about it. "I... I dunno. I think..." She rested her head on Raven's shoulder. "Whoever it was, I think I'd still want us to be a big part of each other's destinies."

Now it was Raven's turn to turn red. "Y... yeah?"

"Somebody who I trusted, who I had fun with... Who I really cared about and who I knew cared about me..." said Apple.

And then, the moment of truth. The mood was right. The scene was set. Apple turned her head to the side, and moved to plant a kiss on Raven's neck...

SPLASH. Her last thoughts at that moment were on the iced tea she was holding, which was now all over Raven's pajamas.

"Ack!" cried Raven, surprised.

"Oh!" Apple shouted, jumping off the bed and standing up. "Sorry! I'm so sorry!"

"It's okay, it's okay..." said Raven distractedly, looking down at the stain. "Quick, can you hand me a towel? I've got some in my wardrobe!"

"Sure! Sure, Raven!" obliged Apple, hurrying over to it.

"Uh oh." said Blondie.

"Oh no! Oh no!" panicked Dexter.

"Sssh! Let me think! Let me think!" shushed Blondie.

Apple threw the door open. There Blondie and Dexter were. She jumped back in surprise, causing Raven to look over.

"Blondie?!" exclaimed Apple.

"D... Dexter?!" shouted Raven, embarrassed.

Blondie couldn't say anything for a moment. She looked around, looked at Apple, looked at Raven, looked for any way out of this situation, any possible excuse she could give to explain this.

She wrapped her arms around Dexter. "Apple, please! Little privacy?!" she demanded.

"Oh!" said Apple, flustered. "S-sorry!"

She quickly closed the wardrobe door. Then, she paused and thought about what she'd just seen.

Once it all sank in, she opened it back up again. "Nice try."

…...

"Oh come on, Dex! Don't be so dramatic!" said Blondie, chasing after him down the hallway.

"I'm not being dramatic, I'm serious!" he replied, stomping away. "Get a new cameraman! From now on I'm staying on the tech side with Humphrey!"

"Your parents are rich, they'll buy you a new MirrorPad!" reasoned Blondie. "For Grimm's sake, your old one is probably still fixable! Apple and Raven's room is only on the third story!"

"It's not just the MirrorPad!" said Dexter hotly, rounding on her. "It's..."

Blondie stopped. "Yessss?"

Over Blondie's shoulders, passed her golden locks, he spotted Raven walking and chatting with Cerise. Just like every other time he saw her since being caught in her room, she noticed him, frowned disdainfully, and turned away.

"It's... it's..." he said hopelessly, heart crying out in agony.

"Well, doesn't sound like you have a good excuse for me." said Blondie brightly, grabbing his arm. "If you think of one, let me know, alright? Until then, I've got a lead on a hot new story!"


	2. Chapter 2

"...And when I woke up I was in Neverland, getting a manicure with a mermaid!" related Briar.

Apple and Blondie both giggled. The three friends were in the Castleteria, listening to the tale of Briar's latest party mishap over lunch.

"Honestly Briar, I don't know how you get yourself into these situations." laughed Apple.

"What can I say, that's half the fun, right?" asked Briar. She pumped her fist in the air. "Live it UP!"

"Oh yeah, before I forget..." said Blondie. She reached into her purse, pulled out a tiny wad of clothing, and handed it to Briar. "Thanks Briar, they fit me just right!"

Briar looked at it, then immediately turned red. "My... my panties?! Wh-what the hex Blondie, why do you have these?"

"Oh, you know." grinned Blondie, giving a dismissive wave. "I was out of clean undies, and the laundry room was already closed... and I KNEW you wouldn't mind loaning me a pair of YOURS... So, I waited for you and Ashlynn to leave your room, and-"

"If you knew I wouldn't mind, then why did you wait for me to leave?!" accused Briar.

Blondie laughed uncertainly. "O-oh! W-well, er... I, uh..." she searched for an excuse. "I... didn't want to bother you?"

Briar and Apple exchanged a glance, then sighed. Briar shoved the pair of panties in her purse.

"Really, Blondie." said Briar. "We love you."

"You know we do." said Apple. "But you really should do something about this... kleptomania."

"Aw, c'mon!" said Blondie. "At least I gave them back this time."

"What do you mean, 'this time'?!" demanded Briar.

"Hey guys, can I sit here?" asked Raven in a friendly way, walking over with her lunch tray.

Briar frowned, but Apple immediately smiled broadly and said, "Of course you can, Raven! Have a seat!"

Raven sat down. "Thanks." She looked at Blondie, blushed, then started determinedly cutting her food. "So, uh, Blondie. Have you seen Dexter today?"

Blondie thought about it. "Hmm... no. I'll see him in sixth period though. And then I'll see him after classes end when we work on my show." she explained. "Why?"

"N... no reason." said Raven.

"Oh! I've actually been meaning to ask you something, Raven!" remembered Apple, reaching in her purse. She extracted what looked like tickets. "I have two tickets to see Trollplay live, I think it would be a great bonding experience if we both went!"

Raven hesitated. "Trollplay? They're, uh, kind of poppy for me..." Apple's pleading, sugary eyes wouldn't give up though. Raven smiled. "...but I guess if you're there it'll be fun! Thanks Apple, I'd love to go."

"Fableous!" cheered Apple, handing her one of the tickets. "I'm so happy, Raven! This is gonna bring our destinies even closer!"

When the bell eventually rang to signal the end of lunch, Raven splintered off from the group, leaving Apple, Blondie and Briar to leave the Castleteria together.

"Sooo, going to go see Trollplay, huh?" asked Briar, trying to sound casual. "I had NO idea!"

Apple smiled just thinking about it. "Yep! With RAVEN!" she said excitedly.

"Wow, yeah! You and Raven! Should be a lot of fun! They're great live!" said Briar, meeting Apple's smile with a shakier, more uncertain one. "I would know since they're my favorite band and everything... haha!"

"Your favorite band? Don't sell yourself short, Briar! You're their BIGGEST FAN!" said Apple. "You're the one who got me into them, after all!"

"Attention all fairytales." came Headmaster Grimm's voice over the loudspeaker. "Please report to the Grimmnasium for an emergency assembly."

"Uh oh." said Blondie. "Wonder what's going on?"

"Another peep rally?" guessed Briar.

The three girls headed towards the Grimmnasium, joining the stream of fairy tales flowing there. Once they arrived, they climbed up the bleachers and found a spot to sit down.

Once all the students were seated, the doors were closed. The floor was empty except for a podium, which Headmaster Grimm walked over to and stood behind.

"Good afternoon, fairy tales of Ever After High." he said. "I have summoned you here to discuss a matter of grave importance. Something has come to my attention which requires all of our immediate attention. Something which threatens to tear apart the very fabric of Ever After High."

He continued dramatically, resting both hands on the side of podium: "Someone has... stolen something from my office."

Chatter swept over the crowd, as the teens shared their thoughts on this revelation.

"This is, of course, a most heinous crime indeed." said the Headmaster gravely. "If you have any information as to the culprit or the whereabouts of the missing items, please notify me immediately."

"What did they steal, Headmaster?" asked Cedar, concerned.

Headmaster Grimm looked surprised. "What... what they stole? Oh, well, that's... not important. Not important, Cedar, not important."

"How will we know if we know anything if we don't know what we're knowing?" asked Maddie.

"Oh!" said Headmaster Grimm. "That's... that's a very good point, Maddie. You see, they stole, some... uh..." He cleared his throat. "They stole some bottles."

"Bottles." said Raven.

"Yes, that's right, Miss Queen. Bottles." he explained. "Bottles that were in my office."

There was a long silence.

"Bottles of... what?" ventured Darling, perplexed.

"Just, just bottles!" said Headmaster Grimm, in the hotseat. "It is not important what was in the bottles."

"Okay..."

"Anyway, it is very possible that one of you knows something, but might be afraid to come forward." said Headmaster Grimm. "I want you to know that you can come to me at any time, and I will keep our meetings strictly confidential. I will do everything in my power to keep my investigation discreet so as not to single out or cast undue suspicion on any student."

"Also, some of you might be concerned that I have already made up my mind about who the culprit is, or that I won't exhaust all possibilities in my investigation. I want to stress that I have no suspects yet, and no leads. As of right now, each of you are beyond suspicion in my eyes, and that won't change until I have hard evidence to the contrary."

He shuffled his notes. "Now then, on to our second order of business. Blondie Lockes, please report to my office immediately. Blondie Lockes, to my office. Everyone else, thank you for your time. You may return to your classrooms."

"I knew that was coming." sighed Blondie.

…...

"Now then, Blondie." said Grimm cheerfully to the pretty, scowling girl, who sat in a chair opposite him. His office's heavy oak desk separated them. "I have been, shall we say, LENIENT with you in the past, because I take pride in seeing a student who is willing to stick to her story. All this 'choosing your own destiny' nonsense... pah! Rubbish! Unheard of in my day!"

"I agree wholeheartedly, sir." said Blondie sweetly.

"Every time you relieved someone of their personal property, or trespassed where you didn't belong... even though it could get quite INFURIATING at times," he chuckled idly while wringing his hands, "In the end, I always had to acknowledge, 'here is a girl who will make a fine fairytale one day. Here is someone who will do her story proud.'"

Blondie was honestly a little flattered. "Uh, well, thanks!"

Grimm stood up. "HOWEVER." he continued, towering over the girl, slamming his hands down on the desk. "This time, young lady, I'm afraid you'd gone too far!"

The girl wasn't intimidated. "But I didn't do anything!" she retorted.

The headmaster calmed down. "You didn't, eh?" he asked. "Do you really expect me to believe that? You, Blondie Lockes, the stickiest fingered fairy tale at Ever After High, did NOT take my bottles?"

"Yes!" she said. "Why would I even want them?"

"I think you know perfectly well why." he said. He reclaimed his seat, lacing his fingers on top of his desk. "At any rate, I don't have any evidence to hold you on, but it's only a matter of time. Just wanted to let you know I'm onto you, and give you a head start out of respect for a worthy adversary. You may go."

…...

Blondie burst into the Mirror Lab, where Dexter and Humphrey were working or playing a LAN game. "Alright boys, we've got a story!"

"Aaah!" the two boys shouted. Dexter stood up and quickly grabbed his backpack. Humphrey quickly closed his laptop and threw himself on top of it protectively.

Blondie watched this display, dumbfounded. "What's wrong with YOU guys?" she asked, putting her hands on her hips.

"Wr... wrong? Haha! Nothing's wrong!" assured Dexter. He turned to Humphrey and whispered: "G-get the Headmaster! She escaped somehow!"

Blondie frowned. "Wait a second! You think I'm the thief, don't you?" she accused.

The Charming looked confused. He hesitated before answering. "A... aren't you?"

"No!" she said, annoyed. "Great, you guys too? Can't a girl catch a break?"

"It's not just us, Blondie. That's what the whole school is saying." answered Humphrey.

Blondie quickly dug her MirrorPad out of her purse and checked Fablebook. It was true, her wall was blowing up with people calling her a thief.

For a second, the girl was mortified. But then, she got a crafty look in her eyes. She rubbed her chin deviously. "Oh they are, hmm? Now that's an angle! A sweet young girl, wrongfully accused, setting out to prove her innocence! I like it, I like it!"

She grabbed her microphone and gave them a triumphant smile. "We're going to find who REALLY stole those bottles, and bring them to justice! Grab your MirrorPad, Dexy! We've got work to do!"

…...

"So where do we start?" asked Dexter, as the two fairy tales walked down the halls of Ever After High. Every student they passed clutched their belongings a little tighter when they saw Blondie.

"I'm happy you asked, Dex!" she said brightly. "In order to find our culprit, the first thing we have to do is establish a motive. And we cannot do that..."

They stopped outside the Headmaster's office. "...until we ascertain exactly what has been stolen!"

Dexter sighed. "Ohhh boy..." he moaned, knowing what was coming next. The blonde girl hummed to herself as she pulled a hairpin from her shimmering locks. "Blondie, I... I don't know about this..."

"I don't expect you to! This is MY area of expertise." she answered slyly. She stuck the pin in the keyhole, and her wrist barely twitched before the lock sprang open.

Blondie dragged Dexter into the Headmaster's office. Together, they snooped around for clues, until the girl came to a door that she presumed was a closet. When she opened it, however, she found something very different.

A light came on automatically when the door opened, illuminating racks and racks of dark green bottles.

"Aha!" she said victoriously. "A wine room!"

She saw a couple of conspicuously empty slots near the door. She ran her finger along one of the shelves, then checked it. No dust. Whatever bottles once sat there had been cleared out recently.

"Well, now we know." she said with a conclusive grin.

Dexter entered behind her. He picked up one of the bottles from the shelf and read the label. "Not only do we know what was in the bottles, but we can also deduce that the thief was an adult." he said. "Maybe a faculty member!"

"How do you figure?" asked Blondie.

Dexter put the bottle back on the shelf. "Well, it wouldn't do a student any good to take it. We're not old enough to drink yet."

Blondie stared at him for a long time. Finally, she sighed with exasperation and resumed her search. "You're a sweet, sweet boy, Dex." She spotted something on the floor behind him, under one of the racks. "Hey, what's that?"

She pointed it out to Dexter and he bent down and picked it up. It was a piece of paper with four numbers on it. 45-16-34-01.

"Looks like a combination!" said Blondie. "Could be a clue!"

"Maybe to somebody's locker?" posited Dexter.

"Nah. All our locker combinations are three digits." said Blondie thoughtfully. "This goes to something else... and I know exactly what!"

…...

The two fairytales soon found themselves in the Grimmnasium, approaching the sports storage room. "Behold!" said Blondie, as the door drew closer. "Quiet, secluded... the perfect place to run off with some wine and get totally bookburned, wouldn't you say?"

"How do you know this place has a lock with a four digit combination?" asked Dexter.

"One time in detention I had to help Coach Gingerbreadman put equipment away." she explained. She recalled something, and added: "Then when I tried to take some freeweights as a souvenir, I had to help him again. So yeah, I pretty much know this place like the back of my-"

Suddenly, she stopped, and put a hand in front of Dexter to stop him as well. As they drew closer, they could see that the door was slightly ajar, and light was leaking out of the crack. The padlock hung open on the door handle.

"Look!" whispered Blondie excitedly. "Somebody's in there right now!"

"Maybe it's Coach?" asked Dexter.

"I doubt that." said Blondie. "There's no Grimmnastics classes today. Dex, I think whoever's in there is our thief!"

She reached into Dexter's backpack, dug out his MirrorPad, and unceremoniously handed it to him. "Get this camera rolling!" she grinned, as she took her microphone out of her purse. "We're about to spin ratings gold!"

Dexter turned his camera function on, pointed it at her, and counted her in.

"Hello, Ever After High!" whispered Blondie. "This is Blondie Lockes here, with a hexclusive update on the Missing Bottle fiasco that has lit our quiet school ablaze! You've followed this story through every shocking twist, every nailbiting turn! And now, you're about to get the conclusion you've been so desperately craving!"

She gestured boldly at the door to the storage room. "At this moment, I stand outside the Grimmnasium's equipment room, where the criminal is hiding out, unaware that their wicked ways are about catch up to them!"

The girl put her hand on the door handle. "On the count of three, then! One... two..."

She threw the door open. "THREE!"

There she was. Sitting on the a mat, leaning her back up against a pommel horse, empty bottle at her side and her manicured fingers wrapped around the neck of a half-full one.

"B... Briar?!" gasped Blondie.

Briar's turned her head to look at her, a clumsy movement that almost caused her to lose her balance. "Blondie?!" she slurred. "What a shurprise! Here ta join the party?!"

Blondie was mortified. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. Briar was the thief?! "Briar, what... what is this?" she pleaded with her friend. "YOU stole the wine? Why?"

The tanned girl laughed. "Whaddaya mean, why? Typical BRIAR, right? WILD and CRAZHY BRIAR! The LIFE OF THE PARTY! WOO!"

There was a twinge of sadness to her voice. Blondie instinctively put her hand on Dexter's MirrorPad and pushed it down. "Dex, can you give us a minute?"

Dexter nodded and excused himself to wait outside. Blondie joined Briar on the mat, sitting down next to her.

"Come on, Briar. I'm your friend. Level with me." the girl said. She gestured at their glum surroundings. "This reeeeaaally doesn't look like a party to me."

Briar hesitated. "It doeshn't?"

"Not really." said Blondie. "Sitting here drinking by yourself, it actually looks pretty solemn and depressing."

Briar considered this, then forced a roguish grin onto her face and took another drink. "Well, what can I shay, Blondie? Maybe I jusht have shomething I need ta forget!"

Blondie was surprised. "Forget? Briar, is something going on? Whatever it is, you can tell me. Maybe I can help."

Briar hesitated. She looked down at the bottle in her hands, and sloshed its contents gently. "It'sh... shtupid. You'll make fun of me."

"No I won't, Briar! Don't be silly!" insisted Blondie, easing a supportive arm around her friend's slender shoulders. "You can tell me anything."

Briar's tan cheeks turned slightly pink. She raised the bottle to her lips again, presumably for courage. "I... there's someone I like."

That definitely wasn't what Blondie expected to hear. A broad, excited grin overtook Blondie's face. "Whaaat?! Get out of crown!" she laughed, giving her a playful shove. "YOU have a crush?!"

Briar looked bashful for a moment, but covered it up with boisterousness. "It'sh not a cruuush!" she sang playfully. "It'sh for real. It'sh true love, Blondie, make no mishtake!" She hiccupped.

Blondie's eager grin softened into a warm smile. "Jeez Briar, I've never seen this romantic side of you." she admired. "So who is he?"

The brunette looked coy. "You'll never gueeeess!"

Oh, a challenge, was it? Blondie was game. She decided to go with a safe pick. "Daring."

"Nope."

"Alistair?"

"No."

Blondie thought of Ashlynn, and lowered her voice to a scandalous whisper. "Hunter?"

Briar giggled. "I don't think yer gonna guess."

"Sparrow?" She hoped it wasn't Sparrow.

"I'll give you a hint." said Briar. But then, she blushed and fell silent, seeming to immediately regret this offer.

Blondie waited. "Well?"

Briar looked around, then leaned in close. She cupped a hand around the blonde's ear, and whispered: "Not a boy."

The blonde was truly shocked by this revelation. If not a boy, then... a girl? She had no idea Briar could swing that way. She always talked about her favorite male spellebrities and how hot they were... was that a cover? Or was she just curious about this girl? Blondie supposed that would fit her try-anything-once personality.

"Well? Keep guessing!" laughed Briar, in an uncomfortable, 'please make this awkward silence end' way.

Blondie went with the safe pick again. "Darling."

"Nope."

"I honestly have no idea. Kitty."

"Nope."

"I give up! Just tell me already!"

Briar thought about it. She made a big show of thinking about it. "I dunnooooo..." she teased. "Can you keep a sheeeecret?"

Blondie felt like it would be inappropriate to lie to her in this moment of inebriated vulnerability. "No. I'm really, really really bad at keeping secrets."

"Oh. Well, I'm shuper drunk, sho I'll tell you anyway!" obliged Briar with a giggle. "It's... It's..."

Briar blushed anew. She turned back to Blondie and pointed at her. "You can't tell ANYBODY!" she accused. "I'm sherious!"

"I'm not gonna tell anyone!" laughed Blondie. "Come on, spit it out already!"

Briar brought her legs out from under her, so she could hug her knees. "It'sh... it'sh..." she mumbled. Blondie hung on every drunken, slurred, pseudo-word. The suspense was unbearable. "...Apple."

Blondie's jaw dropped. There was no way she heard that right. She almost had to have Briar repeat it for her.

"You CAN'T tell her, Blondie." Briar begged. "I mean it. Please. I would die if she found out."

"I'm not gonna." Blondie repeated, more gently this time. Her mind was still mulling this over. "But... I mean. Wow. Apple. Are you sure?"

Briar gave a small, feeble nod. "Yeah. I'm sure."

Blondie took her arm off the girl's shoulders, and held her hand instead. She gave it a reassuring squeeze. "Hey, it's okay. I think it's cute. How... long have you felt this way?"

The tan-skinned girl thought about it. "It's... hard to shay. I've known Apple a really long time, Blondie. Since we were kids. I don't know when my feelings for her changed from Best Friends Forever After to shomething more. Or if it was ever that cut and dry."

She took another drink. "She's been funny, kindhearted, outgoing, energetic, interesting..." she pursed her lips, "and b-beautiful... her entire life. I loved her then and I love her now. That'sh all I can shay for sure."

"That's really sweet, Briar." said Blondie sincerely. "But... I don't get it. Explain why this is something to get lonely-drunk over?"

"Because we can never be together, duh." sighed Briar.

"Huh? What makes you say that?"

"I dunno, Blondie. We've got our stories to think about." said Briar, taking another drink. "I might not be jazzed about mine, but Apple's obsessed with hers. She's all set up with Daring and she hangs out with Raven Queen constantly."

The bottle was empty. She set it on the floor and began idly spinning it, her mind a million miles away. "And it's gonna get worse the older we get. The closer we get to fulfilling our stories, the more we're going to drift apart. I just don't think there's room on the page for me."

It pained Blondie to see her friend hurting this way. Her heart went out to her. Her own story was pretty vague on the romance side of things; she was free to be with whoever she wanted. She couldn't imagine what it must be like for someone like Briar or Apple.

"I don't think that needs to be the case. You and Apple can stay close, Briar." said Blondie sensitively. "And besides, you won't have to fulfill anything for years. We're still kids. You've got all kinds of time to be with Apple, right now!"

Briar moaned. "But it's already starting, Blondie. Like I said, she spends all her time with Raven. The only time me and Apple hang out anymore is when it's the whole group. Raven's a main character in her life shtory now, and I have a bit part. Not that I'm jealous of her or anything."

"Except you totally are." teased Blondie.

Briar smirked in response. "Yeah. I guess I totally am. But come on, can you blame me? The girl is gonna POISON her when they grow up. POISON her. And Apple would rather hang out with her than me. That's how crazy for her shtory she is."

Blondie chuckled. "Maybe she's onto something. You should poison Apple first."

She got a half-hearted laugh out of Briar before the girl continued. "And I mean, don't get me wrong, I like Raven a lot, she's great." said Briar. "But... the way Apple's eyes light up whenever she enters the room, the way she talks about her, the way she shays her name with that, like, RAPTUROUS voice..."

Blondie knew exactly what Briar meant. The brunette sighed. "I mean, I've been friends with Apple for years, and she was NEVER like that with me. That... really hurts me, Blondie."

The blonde's heart went out to her. She wished there was something she could say, but she couldn't find the words.

After a moment's silence, Briar stopped spinning the bottle and looked up at Blondie. Her tone was offhand, but she couldn't hide the worry in her expression. "You don't think Apple... y'know... LIKESH her, do you?"

Blondie remembered what she'd seen from Raven's wardrobe. "Whaaaat? No waaayy." she lied.

"Yeah. I don't either." agreed Briar uncertainly. If she was reassured, it didn't seem by much.

Briar let herself slump into Blondie's arms. The blonde was surprised for a second, then smiled sweetly and wrapped her in a hug.

"I know it's shtupid to be jealoush. Shtupid and petty." she confessed. "But..."

She choked back a sob and hid her face in Blondie's shoulder. Blondie responded by hugging her tighter.

"But I'm not gonna be around forever." she wept. "When... when I prick my finger on that shpinning wheel, that's it. I'm going to shleep for a hundred years, Blondie. A century. By the time I wake up, you're... you're all going to be dead. Apple has her whole life to spend time with Raven. She... she has a couple years left to spend with me."

"Once I'm asleep... you, Apple, Ashlynn, everybody... I'm not gonna be part of your lives anymore. While I collect dust like some discarded toy, you're all going to move on. Make new friends. Live your lives, live your shtories. Leave me behind. No matter how close we are now... you're all going to forget about me." Briar hugged her as if Blondie was a rock in a raging current, which threatened to sweep her away. Her tears soaked Blondie's dress. "I just... don't want you to start forgetting me already. I want to be love and be loved by you guys... while I'm shtill h-here."

Blondie was about to cry, herself. But she knew Briar needed her to keep it together. "Briar, we do love you." she said, patting Briar's back with a trembling hand. "We love you now and we'll love you after you fall asleep. We are never, EVER going to forget you. I promise you that."

Still cradled in her arms, Briar looked up at Blondie with wet eyes. "You... you mean it?" she asked hazily.

Blondie produced a handkerchief from her purse and wiped Briar's tears. "Of course I do." she soothed.

Then, Briar kissed her.

Blondie's eyes widened as her friend's lips pressed forcefully, but passionately, against hers. "Mmph!" she cried. The handkerchief fell to the floor as Blondie put her hands on Briar's shoulders and tried to push her away. Briar countered by wrapping her arms around Blondie's back and pulling her closer.

Finally, Blondie managed to force her off. "B... Briar!" she gasped, trying to catch her breath. "Wh-what the hex are you doing?"

Briar gave a dazed smile. "Ya... ya know what? You kinda look like Apple, Blondie."

Blondie didn't like the sound of that. "I... I do?"

Briar put a drunken hand on her leg. "Ohhh yeah." she said, eyes roaming over her indiscriminately. "Your long, flowing blonde hair... your beautiful blue eyes..."

"B-briar, look, you're confused. I'm not Apple." said Blondie in a calming way. She tried to subtly scoot away, but Briar pounced on her, tackling her to the mat. "Eek!"

"Oh Apple... J-just love me like I love you..." slurred Briar hopelessly. She kissed Blondie again, this time forcing her tongue forward.

Blondie drew her lips tight, determined to keep her out, but Briar found a way in. With ardent hunger, her tongue tangled with Blondie's reluctant one.

Briar pulled back and changed tactics from a targeted assault to a carpet bombing. She pelted her friend with more kisses, starting with her cheek, then hungrily trailing them down her neck, then to her bare arms, and finally, down to her stocking-covered legs.

"Aaah! S-stop, Briar! Briar, I mean it! Briar!" Blondie yelped the whole time, cheeks ever reddening.

The brunette began to move on her inner thighs. "N-no! Wait, Briar! Briar!" Blondie stopped abruptly, turned redder than ever, and threw her head back. "Oh, BRIAR..."

BANG. At that exact moment, the door swung open.

Blondie almost had a heart attack from the noise, and then she almost got whiplash from how fast she looked at the door. All the color that had accumulated in her cheeks was quickly drained.

There was Headmaster Grimm.

"Eeeek!" she screamed.

The headmaster looked at the empty bottles, then at the two tangled fairy tales. He suddenly looked very flustered. "B... Blondie? And Miss Beauty?" he demanded. "Wh-what the devil is going on here?"

"H-h-headmaster!" stammered Blondie. "I was, I was looking for- I found your bottles and... Wh-wh-what are you doing here?"

Dexter appeared behind the Headmaster. "I heard you yelling... and I thought you could use some backup?" he said timidly. Blondie groaned and shook her head.

"Well, young lady? You'd better have a good explanation for this." accused Grimm sternly. "Because it looks to ME like you and your accomplice here stole the bottles, then brought it here to, er, DESTROY THE EVIDENCE..." he gestured at the empty bottles.

"No!" Blondie interrupted.

Grimm looked at her, then at Briar. He turned slightly red, shakily cleared his throat, and continued, "...and also to, uh, CELEBRATE your successful heist."

"N-no! That's not what happened!"

A loud snoring sound came from somewhere within Blondie's dress. Apparently Briar had fallen asleep.

…...

"Alright, now careful when inflating those balls." said Coach Gingerbreadman. Briar and Blondie sat in the gym surrounded by boxes of new, uninflated balls. He grinned at Blondie. "Especially you, Miss Lockes. Not too flat, not too full. They have to be JUST RIGHT."

He walked away, laughing wildly to himself. Blondie grumbled and opened up one of the boxes. "Very funny." she muttered.

Briar hooked one of the balls up to the air pump and turned it on. A hissing of air was heard, and the ball began to inflate. "Sorry I got you in trouble." she apologized.

"That's okay, Briar. I couldn't have let you do all this by yourself anyway." smiled Blondie.

The two girls did their chores, gabbing cheerfully. Detention was always tough, but at least they got to do their time together. Their voices and laughter echoed around the empty gym as the pile of filled balls slowly grew.

"And she goes, 'Why, the very nerve! I'll have you know I'm the daughter of Ivanhoe!'" recalled Briar. "And I'm just thinking: 'Who the hex is Ivanhoe?'"

Blondie laughed. "Jeez, Briar. Making friends everywhere you go."

Briar tossed the ball she was inflating on the pile, and grabbed another one out of the box. She hesitated, and when she spoke again, her tone had changed against her will. "Uh, incidentally, Blondie?"

"Hmm?"

"When I was drunk... I didn't say anything weird, did I?"

Blondie chose her response carefully. "Weird? I dunno. About what?"

"I, I dunno." said Briar. She swallowed and tried to look like she was focusing very intently on the task at hand. "People?"

"What people? Like who?"

"Well, you know..." she probed. "S... someone?"

Blondie smirked and tossed a ball at her. "I'm sure you MUST have said something about SOMEONE, Briar."

Briar caught the ball and chuckled. "No, I mean... like... you know. Anyone. Like, er, Cedar? Or Maddie? Or," she tried not to put too much emphasis on this one, "Apple? Anybody like that?"

Blondie had to really put in a lot of effort to keep from laughing. She was just so cute. "No. You didn't say anything about anybody like that."

Briar looked relieved. "That's good."


End file.
